Caught in a Cycle
by imthepunchlord
Summary: Marinette knows she shouldn't, Duusu definitely knows she shouldn't either; but she can't help herself. She's caught in a cycle, a cycle of hurt and she can't escape it.


"You're only hurting yourself," Duusu scolded as her crest rose up, echoing her agitation. She pushed at Marinette's cheek, reaching from the worn and torn blue the kwami hid in. One the hero had yet to sit down and mend. It was suggested to her that she should, it was torn and slashed through, and covered in grit. It was ugly and damaging to wear.

Yet Marientte wouldn't fix it.

In one late night she admitted to Duusu that fixing the scarf felt like making a lie.

 _"Fixing it means erasing what happened. Make it seem like it's ok. That, that didn't happen…"_

But it did.

And Marinette wasn't ready to let that go.

So for now, the damaged scarf stayed as it was, one of the very few items the holder clung and guarded jealously.

An item that brought much nostalgia and grief to her.

And she was on her way to feel more.

"It's not worth it," Duusu insisted, the red on her face growing with her wary agitation. This was the last thing the girl needed. She shouldn't be doing this.

And yet she was.

She just kept going, ignoring the kwami with her eyes set heavily on the sidewalk, letting her feet carry the way there. Down a path she knew so well she didn't even have to think about it.

And what was worse was that Marinette knew.

Marinette knows this was going to hurt. She was human. Hurting herself was part of human nature. Just as it was human nature to miss them, to want to see them again, to be near them.

Why, Marinette was even aware that she was in a cycle of hurt.

Aware that she wasn't giving herself a moment to recover.

But, there was so much at stake, that needed to get done, and the grief was a beast just waiting for her and-

She needed to succeed first.

She needed to stop Hawk Moth.

It'd be officially over then.

It'd be done.

The cycle would end then, Marinette's sure.

But she wasn't there yet.

And she missed them.

She knows it'll hurt but she misses them and she just, just one look. That'd be it. That's all she needs. Just one close look. No looking down from a distance wishing for what used to be. Just…

Marinette stopped, blinking.

Her hand was on the bakery handle, ready to pull it down and slip in like she used too. Looking through the window, her fingers twitched and tightened around the handle. There they were.

Maman and Papa.

Papa was yawning, covered in flour, with a tired and happy smile on his lips. He turned his warm green eyes to his wife as she slipped up to his side, satisfied with the work they got done today, and would soon prepare to go to bed.

Marinette almost moved to join them, almost opened those doors and rushed to their sides.

She could remember very well, thick, gentle warm arms wrapping around her, with the heavy smell of flour, sweets, chocolate, vanilla, butter... She missed those smells. She missed the warmth.

And it was right there.

In her reach.

She, she could-

"Marinette," Duusu whispered, and the girl jerked away from the door, eyes still locked on them.

There was that ache.

The shake, the quiver going through her body.

"We should leave," Duusu pressed on, tapping her cheek.

But Marinette's feet were rooted.

A few days ago this was home.

These were her parents, her family, she…

She jerked when grey eyes turned to her, Mama-Sabine's expression going curious. She moved towards the door, moved towards Marinette.

She was coming to her.

Marinette snapped into action, she turned and ran as fast and as far as she could. She ran and ran and ran till her legs were jelly and she was breathless. She slumped against a wall, shaking, her breathing coming fast, her eyes stinging.

If she stayed, she, she would've clung to her and never let go and…

Duusu floated out, hovering before the emotional girl with a worried frown, her crest drooping. She reached out, wiping the girl's bangs away, stopping when she felt a scab. Another newly discovered one. Duusu's been noting many these past few days. Coming near, she nuzzled the girl, making small chirps as she listened to the shaky, winded breaths as Marinette struggled to collect herself.

"It'll get better," Duusu told her, leaning on her. "It always does."

Marinette reached for the kwami, bringing her close and cuddling her to her chest while she buried her face in her knees, trying to hide the twisted up expression, her hurt from the world. Duusu kept still, continuing her little song and pushing back against Marinette.

She peeked out absently at the night, blinking when she saw two figures dart by, either patrolling or going for an akuma.

Duusu made no comment about them.

Her holder needed a break.

She needed this moment.

That was not worth a pointless chase after them.

And despite what her worried holder may think, this Ladybug and Black Cat were capable. They were always considered and chosen with care. She need not fret as much as she does. Her being here will change enough, Duusu was sure.

Reaching up, Duusu tugged the worn blue scarf closer, pausing when she saw Marinette's ear peeking out past her dark hair she kept loose around her shoulders. Her ear was lobeless, where one of two earrings used to be had been severed away.

Looking away, Duusu gave the previous Ladybug's jaw a light peck, and continued her song to the hurt hero, the hurt child.

This Ladybug was a Peacock now.

No, a Phoenix.

A phoenix struggling to fly with ash heavy wings.

But she will fly, Duusu doesn't doubt this. She may not have the same flare of life or color to her as before, but she'll fly anew, strong and beautiful.

Duusu will see the day.

She knows she will.

Her chick just needed to get there, needed to recover.

* * *

 **An AU idea that came to me while listening to The Weight of Living Part 1 by Bastille.**

 **An idea where HM won, he took everything from Marinette. A hurt Gabriel made a portal for her that would take her back in time, though at a price of erasing her existence. He gives her the peacock miraculous, and had a single request for this, "Save my son."**

 **It's an idea I will probably do, but I don't know when. For sure, it's on the future fics list.**


End file.
